Is anal the new 69?

So last night I ended up going home with this guy who lives in my apartment complex. Right before we had sex he asked me if I do this a lot. I obviously denied it. But I think the better question is, um dude why is your dick inside of me then when I have only exchanged a mere couple of words with you. Anyways this morning I felt a bit violated. I was thinking about it when I woke up and I realized that guys do take advantage of a woman's body.

I do not know if it is because they get bored of playing with our boobs, watching us play with ourselves, giving elongated blow jobs, or sticking their penis inside our vaginas...but I feel as if they have an epiphany and think "why don't I just poke my dick up her ass." Dude, shit comes out of there. Why on earth would you want to stick it there? I tried it once and the next morning I was in pain. I could not walk, and when I attempted to take a shit it hurt like hell. I felt like my anal hymen just broke.

Last night this Mike and Ike guy just "accidently" stuck it up there. It was only in for 2 seconds and It fucking felt like my anal hymen broke again!!! And I love how whenever I guy pokes it up there, they say it was an accident. I hardly doubt you trying to experiment and see how every part of my body feels was an ACCIDENT. Seriously men take advantage of us. Nothing we do in the sack these days are good enough for them. I wonder if Adam and Eve had anal sex. Was it common in the 1800s for a nobleman and his lady to do anal? I wonder what asshole thought of anal sex. He had to of of been the Cassanova of his time.

Typical Weekend

Friday night I was not going to go out but then I thought to myself...I can go out and drink or I will stay home and not study. I feel like if i went out I would have a liable excuse for not studying. I started casually drinking Sangria at about 8 and then move over to some beer pong on the grand, campus dorms.-I totally kicked ass...but only in my first game. Opps. I was going to go to a house party but I ended up at this bar that SUCKS. This bar is the typical college type where EVERY SINGLE person is wasted and sometimes girls take their clothes off and the owner runs around and pours tequila down your throat. It usually gets raided every friday night too. It does sound kind of fun but in reality it is a bit too much.

Well I have got a good buzz going on and the guy at the door let us in for free because we were not going to pay ten dollars to enter inside a shit show. A guy with a cowboy hat bought my friend and I a drink and the guy who let us in at the door I hooked up with last semester. I did not have sex with him :) probably because I thought he was beautiful and knew the minute I had sex with him he would move away and find some other girl. It probably is my biggest achievement. He texted me that night and wanted me to come over-I win! We will call him David Beckham because he is on the soccer team.

I am roaming the place and I see the guy I previously sexed who texted me about birth control. We can name him Canada because that is where he is from. So I ended up going home with Canada and we have pretty great sex. After we had sex his friend called him, after he spoke to him I asked what his friend wanted and he said they were going to smoke a huge blunt. I know Canada LOVES to smoke and I know he wanted to go so I told him he could go smoke. His facial expression was like he just won the lotto. I never expected someone to be so happy to leave me naked in my bed alone. I then ran to my refrigerator and had a staring contest with a can of refried beans for what seemed like an hour. But I said no, go to bed you had KFC before and you drank beer. Good job Lexa.


I would like to sum up my saturday night shortly. I went home with asshole, successfully ran into his roommates afterwords (yes, the one I had sex who has to listen techno music when he sleeps and I peed his bed), left, went to my friends room when no one was there, ate mac and cheese and fell asleep. I woke up with 8 missed text messages from David Beckham. I am pretty sure even thought he has a girlfriend he is probably the most hormonal human being I have ever encountered. He sex text messages every girl on campus I think. I had a nightmare Ryan told my friends that I was cheap because he paid for my cab and he wanted me to buy him Pita Pit. He really asked me to get him Pita Pit though. Well sadly I don't remember sex detais and I think I am going to get fired. I just did not go last sunday and today I was still drunk. I put on a raspy voice and told them that I was sick and that "it's painful to talk right now." The girl on the phone told me not to talk for the rest of the day. I am fucked. And I have to write five articles for my journalism class by tomorrow. Lazy sunday...

Hostage thursday

I think when Shakespeare wrote to be or not to be. He was referring to being either a fake wig wearing, upper-class, folk who was trying fuck 'urry girl in da world or not. I am talking about tools. Where do they come from? Who was the first? Well I can tell you in Tampa these tools are everywhere. I am attracted to them when I am wildly belligerent, like last night per say. A present day tool usually obsesses over the gym, christian audiger, Ed Hardy, Affliction and spends too much time on their hair. My tool from wednesday night was shorter?, wearing a black blazer, and of coursethe obnoxious shoes. I do not know IF guys actually think pointed black leather shoes are attractive because they are NOT. Those shoes just mean you are a tool. He was drinking a vodka soda. Real men drink beer.


I am getting drunk hence I downed two snake bites at the Dubliner-the greatest beer ever. I am flirting with some tools, my two friends and I want to check out this other bar. They really want to take the giant cups they serve beer in, so they sneak out with the cups and just as successfully are about to go in Cheap the bouncer is running over to us. He smiled at my friend and she knew they were caught. Mission=failed...there is always next time.

At Cheap I hear this tool and his friend talking about how they liked my dress. I look over and give the tool my sex eyes. Now my friends now my sex eyes. It usually happens with the help of alcohol. I flicker my eyes and stare for a bit, look away real quick and then see if they are looking back. I have probably mastered the eyes, but there are probably some tweeks I should work on fixing-such as staring too long like a desperate, horny creep.

Toolbag was feeling the sex eyes and responding well and asked my name and if I wanted a shot=success! I think another reason I always go to tools is because they usually look cleaner which makes me think they have more money so they will be more willing to offer me a drunk. How pathetic of me. And of course he is older. Thirty-only a mere decade in my eyes. Well this guy is sloshed. He keeps kissing my neck and telling me he wants me to come home with him. My friends come over and say there are going to leave and asked if i was ok. So I tell them I'm fine and they can leave. Toolbag also was supposed to buy me another drunk and I keep telling him I am thirsty. FINALLY after 20 minutes of him kissing me and me telling him hydrated I am he says I can get a drink. Also, before I ordered this drink-the bartender was telling people at the bar (while I am standing right next to them) how he thought it was so funny this tool kept kissing me and i kept trying to pull away and ask for a drink.

So, this guy is asking me to stay over at his place and I go ok I will stay over but I am only sleeping...Hm how do you think that turned out? Well I wake up the next morning and I have amazing sex which is cool. Then I am thinking well...when should I ask him to take me home. OH wait FUCK he did not even drive last night. Who knows where his car is which is a failure because I have class at 4 and 6!! He asked me if I had anything to do that day and I told him I had class. He said all he wanted to do is sleep. I was hungover as fuck so I obviously said the same thing but I did not think we actually were going to sleep the whole day.

We napped for a bit had sex again and he kept looking at my eyes. It was really creepy...and he kept saying hi how are you?-but in a sexy voice. What the fuck is sexy about saying hi 5000 times to someone you met last night. We wake up at 4 and he wants to watch the fucking terminator. I still think he has no car and don't know what else to do. So what the hell Less (apparently that is his name) i'll watch your dumb movie with you to avoid conversing And yes I had class at 4. Is it 5:30 and FINALLLY he says well I should probably take you home now....um it's only 5:30 and i did not eat the WHOLE day!! And I WAS hungry. All i was thinking about was what food I should eat when I get back to my apartment. I thought about calling Jimmy Johns and having them deliver it to my apartment so It would be there by the time I get back.

So this guy drops me off at my complex and I am wearing black heels that make me 6 feet and my dress and false eyelashes from last night. It was probably my latest walk of shame ever. It was dark and my friends were calling me asking if I was going to go out. I just got home from being out last night. He called me today and left me a voicemail. In his voicemail he mentioned the time and day he was calling. THat is such a peet peve of mine. It is 2009 dude I believe everyones phone has a voicemail system that tells you when you receive a voicemail. I do not think I am going to return that phone call unless I want to be kept hostage in bed all day again!

Where are my pants?

My friday was surprisingly not too eventful. My roomie, my super sweet relative and my boss came over and we drank mad beer and smoked mad weed=great evening. Oh and I am kind of in love with my boss as well. It used to be cool, but now I think he reached a midlife crisis and is questioning himself why on earth he is fucking a girl 13 years younger than him. He is either nice to me or ignores me which makes my go even more crazy and like him even more but anyways...as I was saying...friday night I got high and ate way too much chili and chips.
I then woke up the next morning and roomies friend was visiting from Clemson, it is about 12 and his friends are already pregaming for a football game. I am up, still full and decide to run so I can participate in chugging beers ASAP (hence if i did not I would be unable to move considering the pain my stomach was experiencing). So we start drinking in the early afternoon and roomie's other friend came from Miami as well for this football game-it was going to be a crazy day/night. I probably blacked out about ehh...6:30. Before then we were all basically drinking a shit ton of beer, doing keg stands with strangers, finding somewhere to pee without being seen and talking to Clemson, frat boys. It was too early in the day for me to start my sex eyes-incase you were wondering. The funniest part of the day was probably when my innocent, friendly friend Ceci asked this chinese boy, "So, what part of Asia are you from." He found it entertaining and laughed his ass off.
The rest of the night, I'll let you know I mostly do not remember so I am going by information collaborated from friends I was with. My friends and I get to our apartment and we are wasted and tired. Everyone passes out except my champion relative probably because she is irish or just wickedly talented at drinking beer or both. One by one everyone in my apartment is waking up out of bed and then my champion beer drinking relative wants to go get dollar pitchers so we were just like alright sweet, we are still drunk. I have no idea how I looked when I left my apartment but I wore converse sneakers out which is very rare occurrence for someone like myself who loves heels.
I do remember waiting in line for ever for some beer, then I saw superbad guy from thursday night!! AND he frekin texted me friday night and asked me what I was doing. (weird considering I bled all over him-not really but still...weird) THEN I was that girl. I kept hooking up with roomies friend from Miami for what I was told seemed like 3 hours. We all then came back to our apartment because the bar got packed and dollar pitchers were gone. WEAK. At our apartment my boss and the driver of where I work come over too with a pumpkin cheesecake that I keep eating. (thank god they have not asked for it back because It is almost gone...opps)
I was told that my eyes kept rolling in the back of my head and I was still trying to be flirty. I kept going over to miami's lap and I sat on him while I would change a song on my sound dock. Then I would go over to my boss and put my head on his shoulder and I guess i just kept going back and forth between guys. Suddenly, we have a problem. We are out of beer! Roomie knows I am hammered and tells me that I have to go with driver to get more beer. Of course I do not have a problem with this and I go in the hallway with driver. Roomie comes in the hallway and sees me and driver 45 minutes later of waiting for beer. I think I hooked up with the driver who is friends with boss....shit lexa you suck.
Oh and boss is drunk as shit too and he is wearing my bug, obnoxious, sunglasses and riding my roomies bike in every single room in our apartment. He felt quite accomplished. Boss and Miami almost got in a fight, then driver and miami almost fought but then they made up. They made up mostly because they took the beer and left so roomie and miami went over to boss' apartment room (on my floor) and roomie got beer. Hurray!
I pass out and I wake up at 6am on a pretty small couch with miami with no pants on. I walk in roomies room sleep with her for a while. Then I wake up walk in my room and see a condom wrapper on the floor. Roomie's friends left to go back to their boring lives and my roomie texts both the guys and asks if they had sex with me. One response was, "I don't think I did," the other was,"I don't remember." I was supposed to go to work and failed to do so because I wanted to eat steak and eggs, and I did not want to see boss or driver and I currently hate working at the moment. I also woke up with texts from superbad guy asking if I left the bars and other drunken words. I obviously saw him the next day on campus. He tired to avoid me and then when I saw him he shook his head at me, then he asked me why I didn't text him back and where I went off to last night. In my head I was thinking what the fuck is this guy's deal. Then I saw him talk to his friends at a table and I am pretty sure he told them our eventful night from thursday. What a great weekend.

Super- BAD

My typical thursday night is usually a mess, but last night it was very messy-to say the least.

There is this guy Ryan I had sex with two saturdays ago. I do not know why I went home with Ryan...well actually I do. I am a girl with raging hormones. Ryan is also known as an asshole. I have never personally experienced this assholeness. He is one of the guys at school though where everyone knows he is that asshole. Of course I would have sex with an asshole.

Well I end up going to his dorm room at school and I noticed it looked familiar (the rooms are set up with a living area, kitchen and all of the 4 bedrooms have doors) Ryan and I start having sex and he could NOT get hard. My jaw almost permanently changed form because of all the work I was doing down there. I guess he was never raised on the belief that you have to give to receive because he did not go down on me.

All of a sudden I hear this loud tehno music coming from the bedroom next to him. He told me his roommate had to sleep to techno. Then I had an epiphany, I had sex with this techno roomie of his-multiple times. Last year actually and this year when we had sex he ALWAYS played techno!! I figured they would have quite a laugh the next day. Anyways about after about two hours of on and off mouthing hell, he finally decided to call it quits and we stopped trying to have sex. Don't get me wrong he was wasted, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next morning I had to call my roomie and tell her to come campus to pick me up and I successfully leaved their dorm room without seeing the techno roommate which saved myself from a very, plausible awkward moment.

Now, now, let me get on with the mess of this story. Last night was open bar, I obviously was hitting the bar hard after my school week hell. I run into Ryan who was drinking scotch on the rocks, which can probably tell you how drunk he was already. Ryan and I are flirting blah blah he tells me that his roommate said, "Oh yeah Lexa, I tapped that last year." I was mortified and told myself wow I'm not a slut or anything. We were being those people dancing and hooking up (which of course is always harmless fun).

After Ryan egging me to leave with him I make him come to my apartment. Ryan and I are having sex and he CANNOT get hard. I was like seriously, my jaw will be out of my mouth by the time his limp dick could magically turn into wood. I am going down on him and he finally gets hard since I am so good at what I do, ha ha. Then we are having sex and he keeps asking me different positions. It was 3AM, I sucked him off for what seemed like was the most a girl should spend in her lifetime giving blow jobs.

I am like alright do me this way, do that and also this guy is older too. What has he been spending his precious college years doing? I mean whoever created a position such as reverse cowboy was probably a genuis of a man. He definitely thought about it when he was having sex in college. Clearly Ryan was not a "sexpert." Well ladies and gentleman after sexing for a while he finally comes. I know, I thought it would never happen either. Then I hear the question every girl dreads after sex, "Is that blood?"

I knew I was getting my period. This was not going to stop me obviously. I look over on my green sheets and there are little spots of blood. I guess christmas was coming early. My comforter is also white and there are little spots of red on it too. My only thought was fuck, now I have to do laundry. I find other blankets to hold us over for the night, he ended up sleeping on my matress basically with no sheets under him...opps-which also has spots of blood. The next morning turned out to be bloody awkward. There is a condom on my computer desk and another on my floor. Ew. We wake up and then he gets he looks at his jeans and asks yet, another dreadful question. "What is on my jeans?" I knew the answer to this one. Yup, there was a little spot of blood on his FAVORITE jeans apparently. I felt like I just reenacted the infamous period scene from "Superbad." My period blood was on his jeans. I looked at his facebook an hour ago. His status was "I did not keep it classy last night." I love assholes.

The beginning of sex

I am not going to say my name is these blogs because of the possibility future careers and background checks down the drain. I am going to name myself Lexa. I am writing this blog because throughout my years of high school and now college I realized how much sex I have had. I really think I almost revolve my life around it-while I am in college and it should be revolved around my environmental presentation due thursday or my 5 page paper due thursday and my other paper due tomorrow. I find that is so hard to do school work with my mind constantly thinking about sex.

It all started when I was sixteen years old and my dad and my mom had raging arguments throughout my whole childhood and finally one nigh the police came-as they have done before-but this time my mom actually wanted to end it with him and get a divorce. I remember I arrived home to my dad in his red, nissan-Z as he was sitting there with blood on his knuckles. He was so enraged and punched my mother's armoire. I could see the divorce coming for years now so it was no shock to me.

I walked inside and did not want to be around police, my mother, my father, my little brother and sister who just looked lost. All of a sudden I see people chanting next door, "Chug, Chug, Chug!" So I walked over to the house drank an obscene amount, met a guy (who was 3 years older than me), and gave him a blow job in the bathroom. I was really classy that night.

Well the next night the same neighbor had again another party and this guy from last night and we were "sexting" even though I was a virgin-I pretended like I could totally sext.

Long story short the next night on my neighbors couch in the basement I discovered what 69 really meant and lost my v-card, opps...

That began my summer of sex with a guy I had sex with after only knowing him a mere 24 hours. I really thought loosing my virginity was over rated.