Bahama Mama parte uno

Bahama Mama Parte uno
It is hysterical that every time I end up on family trips, I still manage to get myself into trouble. I went to an island in the Bahamas for one week and rented a house with my happily married aunt and uncle, their three three children (all under the age of ten), crazy Aunt Kidd (mentioned before) her daughter (ten years old), and then my mom, her boo, little sister and then last but not least my fifteen year old brother, body guard. I was drunk 90 percent of the time, It would have been 100% if my grandparents were not so damn strict.

Also, please note I peed the bed every night because of my alcoholism. I slept in a two bedroom with my little sister and we luckily had a balcony with a lounge chair. Every day at 6 am I woke up wet, took off my clothes and then passed out on the lounge chair naked until my little cousin would come outside close her eyes and tell me breakfast is ready. Poor girl is probably scared for life.

Every morning I tried to wake up really fast so I could leave before the maids came. Except, they walked in every morning while I was rushing to get dressed and I would watch them walk down the stairs in disgust,carrying my sheets. The worst part is that one morning my Aunt confronted me and told me my little sister still wet the bed. I lied and agreed. I told her that, “I had no idea my sister still wet the bed.” I blamed my little sister for peeing the bed, when it was me the whole time. One day I’ll pay her back.

As soon as well all landed, my mom, her boo and I were chugging Kalik beers like they were running out of stock. Then we all met my grandparents for dinner, that night I was a good girl and followed my drunk mum home when she got into a fight with her step mummy. Me, being the best supportive daughter that I am took my mum to the bar so we could get pissed. Then when she came home, she started to fight with her boo because that is what those two do when they are drunk. Her nickname for the rest of the trip was “Mel.”

The next night my mum, her boo and I went to a chill, laid back bar where, this time, I was the victim. I wore a shirt out that looked like something Lady Gaga would wear; it was one shoulder with a white puffy sleeve on one side. For some reason, I thought maybe this shirt would magically make me sing like her because for the rest of the night I sung Lady Gaga and I will never think of the song “Poker Face” the same. My mom and I went back to the house where all my cousins were trying to sleep and I was screaming Poker Face at the top of my lungs. The next night before I went out my uncle came into my bedroom and screamed, “NEXT TIME YOU COME HOME,YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOWER YOUR VOICE.!”

I certainly wore off my mom and her boyfriend off and I knew my little brother had been wanting to get his party on. These kids grow up fast now a days. I took my little brother out with me and in return he paid for my drinks, which was an awesome trade off! The first night I was out with my brother, I am tipsy and start flirting with this french guy. After talking and flirting I told my little brother that I had to take him home. So then I have my guy follow me and then we were going to go back to his place. My brother got so defensive it was adorable. He was like why is this guy following you!?

I dropped my little brother off and had my french one night stand, nothing out of the ordinary, except for I think I may have eaten a pot brownie at his place..I wish I could have remembered more from that night.